A message I needed to tell myself, over and over… and over.
It’s way to easy to let those little negative or self-defeating thoughts slip by without even realising, our mind is clever. It is so clever it often disguises those self-defeating thoughts as logic – take me for example, I have been telling myself in many different, and subtle ways, that my worth was determined by my level of productivity.
I’m pretty sure these subtle a-hole thoughts had been going on for quite some time now, I only realised when I was visualising and checked in on how I would feel once I finished a project I have been wanting to work on – and realised that I felt as if I could finally be proud of myself.
No, no, no. I’m not having it. I’m putting my foot down and I’m not having it. And I’ll tell you why.
YOU NEED SPACE TO BREATHE (unless you want to resent what you are doing)
A big shout out to Libra and the energy she brought with the recent New Moon that has passed: balance.
I was quite literally slapped across the face (well, not quite literally) with a ‘holy shit what am I doing’ moment last week – a moment where I realised just how completely out of balance my life is. This year has been a super focused year of creating this business, creating the impact, creating the income. But it had gone waaaayyyyy too far – to the point where anything I was doing I was thinking about Girl and Her Moon. I would be out to dinner, talking about Girl and Her Moon and how to expand. I would be catching up with friends and family, sitting in beautiful nature, watching a movie – all thinking about where I can better show up and grow Girl and Her Moon.
It came to a point where I felt like I was drowning. I was suffocating in the need and want to expand and do and grow and do do do some more. I suddenly didn’t want to touch Girl and Her Moon, I didn’t want to even think about it. I wanted a completely different life just for one night. And that where you know it’s gone waayyyy too far.
Without moments of living in your life you will suffocate yourself. You will grow resentment towards the thing suffocating you and you will want nothing to do with it. If you are putting your heart and soul into your passion, that is so beautiful and you are beautiful – but please, remember that passion isn’t all you are. You are also a living being in this beautiful life and if you don’t take the time to experience it – well, what’s the point…
SELF-BASHING ISN’T MOTIVATING (it’s the opposite)
I’ve seen this pattern in myself so many times before – where for some strange reason my brain thinks that by putting myself down, I will go out and prove it wrong?! I remember being younger and, honestly, being in an extremely shitty space about my body image. I was far below what a healthy weight range was for my height, I was completely controlled by food and calories and macros and the scales and the gym… I was in a constant war with myself. I remember clearly thinking that if I were to stop putting myself down (every second of every day) then I would start to accept my body, and if I accepted my body, I would let myself put on weight. So, I continued to self-bash and self-hate thinking that it would be motivation to eat and exercise in a way that would ‘keep me small’. I thought that by putting myself down every second of every day, I was motivating myself to be better.
And I’m seeing this now, where I’m telling myself I’m not good enough unless I do this thing, unless I finish this project. Let me tell you – this is not motivating me one bit to do the thing. Instead, I simply feel ‘not good enough’ to do the thing – so why would I even try, right?!
This is not motivating. This is you tearing yourself down.
Instead, build yourself up, fill yourself up. Be proud of yourself for all that you are in this moment – that is motivation. Believing in yourself is motivation. Cheering yourself on is motivation. Giving yourself love is motivation.
Check in with how you feel – are you placing your worth elsewhere? Are you placing your worth on your body, your relationships, your productivity, your finances? Check in with yourself, and please, please, please, if you are, know this; you are whole as you are, you are enough as you are, you have every reason to be proud of and head-over-heels in love with exactly who you are and exactly where you are. And know that the more you lean into this, the more full of life you will feel – and the more you will see yourself flourish – and be whole and perfect and lovable along every step of the way.
I wrote a little something to myself while very much in tears realising just how much of an ass-hole I was being to myself. If you want, use it. Write it down. Say it out loud. Feel every part of it and let yourself free.
I am so proud of you for exactly where you are. I’m so proud of you for exactly who you are – in this moment.
Be softer and kinder to yourself and embrace where you are, because it is perfect, and you are perfect and whole and lovable and worthy as you are.
I see you, I feel you, I love you (exactly as and where you are).