The Universe had a plan.
Friday 13th September 2019
By Teresa Hawkins
Who would have known you could be on the path to spirituality and still have a life that was in such disarray! House, Finance, Car, Kids and Me. This time I have reaped what I have so stupidly sown. Don’t get me wrong I live this chapter of my life in gratitude as for the first time in years I feel more disengaged from Mental Illness than I’ve been since my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder in 2009. Amen to that!
This is me today, an immortal spiritual being having a human experience (thanks to @aaron_doughty44 for those words) I’m a goddess on a mission, the new full moon is approaching and I have an invisible plan that only the universe can see which guides me from place to place with unknown impeccable timing.
I unknowingly started my mission during my journey to work. Whilst driving past my usual parking place a strong feeling came over me that something big was about to go down.
Mission 1 accomplished, (Freedom Day) or so I cleverly named it.
I was guided towards the local Golden Arches to grab breakfast to take to a quiet spot I had never been too before or even knew was there. Mission 2 (banish hunger) and Mission 3 (discover my quiet place) accomplished.
After hastily devouring the deliciousness of what they call the big breakfast meal, but in fact isn’t that big unless you have the appetite of a sparrow, I had an overwhelming feeling to contact one of my close friends, a woman who had been there for me through the highs and lows of the last 4 years. I wanted to see how she was as she had been feeling a bit down lately. We were due to meet next week, however I wanted to see her now as I had been concerned. During our impromptu liaison we chatted and chuckled, stopping only to devour the goodies we had brought from the café where we had met.
During our stolen time together, I had managed to gain the services of an expert Budgeter to help me out with my financial mess, what an absolute result! Mission 4 (operation happy friend) and Mission 5 (sort my shit out) both accomplished.
I returned back to my quiet place to write my journal, welcomed, thought provoking breaks were taken in between paragraphs to watch the leaves dancing in the light breeze, the water ripples sparkle in the sunlight and to listen to a plethora of harmonious sounds distinguishable as one thing, nature! Mission 6 (involuntary literary healing) accomplished.
God has a plan for me that much is true. The fear of the unknown isn’t really my thing, it tends to trigger excessive overthinking and worrying. My trust gains momentum daily but due to my impatience it is by far not at the rate I would choose.
For a moment I feel like a puppet and the universe is my master. Deep down I know this isn’t the way it is as I know God is within me, working on my behalf for the greater good.
That was obviously my ego talking. Ego meet reader, reader meet Ego. My Ego still has a lot of negative comments to make, it is not going down without a fight.
I’ve breathed it out, meditated, ignored and argued with it and somehow it still manages to get the upper hand at times. It is safe to say my self-development in this area will continue to be ongoing.
From what I have gathered so far is that my mission is to help, support and guide others through this difficult and frustrating jigsaw puzzle we call life and maybe help to wake up the masses, however this has yet to be confirmed by the big man himself, so watch this space.
The sense of achievement I feel when helping others is immense, however my forcefulness to get results is ego driven. Don’t get me wrong I am a loving and caring woman, my soul is 90% pure and 10% gangster, however my drive and passion to get results goes over and above and at times crosses the line. I end up causing myself and others stress when the situation does not go how I planned it to.
Two idioms come to mind, I have been laughed at in the past for my overuse of Idioms, however this is my journal, about me for me, so therefore my Soul Brother can read and weep.
So, the first is that you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. So true, I have learnt my lesson, future situations will be dealt with mindfully. The second is life is like a box of chocolates, I’m only joking, although I do believe this to be true.
On a serious note, the second one is that you cannot save everyone. I feel very conflicted with this one as part of me thinks is it used as an excuse to pick and choose who you help or if the going gets tough it can be used is an excuse not to bother.
However, my take on it is if I can touch someone’s life and make a difference, however small that difference, it’s a miracle. The act of saving someone else is impossible if you think of the following; YOU CAN ONLY SAVE YOU! We can help and support others with their journeys, even wipe their tears and catch them when they fall, but ultimately the responsibility remains with you to believe in yourself and be willing to act.
As I type up this document, I have butterflies, an abrupt realisation that the events of the last few days have led to this moment, a moment that has been carefully planned and orchestrated many moons ago by a force higher than any you can imagine to enable me to continue down the unknown path of life. I am excited and ready for the challenge. Mission 7 (Instagram here I come) accomplished.
Peace and Love