Your soul is begging for some love, and it’s time we address that.
An obvious sign that I needed to pour so much love into me –
Whether it be on movies, on social media, quotes, in books – wherever I would come across anything relating to self-love, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance etc, that far too familiar heavy lump would appear in my throat, my eyes would well up and I would quickly need to choke it down. This, was my soul, begging for love, begging for forgiveness and begging for acceptance.
I’ve come such a long way. But now that I have become so aware where I once was and where I am today, I notice the lack of self-love all around me. I wish I could shake every one of you, tell you how crazy you are for not seeing your worth, but that, I cannot do. Healing is something that you need to do, and only you. But I would love to help.
This isn’t a 5-step guide to self-love, self-love is a lifetime commitment, but addressing these areas of your life may just help you get that little bit closer with yourself.
Guilt can be difficult. Guilt can be consuming. It can be a dark hole that just sucks you right in, I completely understand that. But you are more than your guilt. You are more than your mistakes. You are a beautiful person, a beautiful person who is learning. You cannot blame yourself for mistakes you made before you knew how to handle them. You cannot blame yourself for life getting the better of you sometimes. You cannot change anything that has been done. Don’t let guilt get in the way of seeing yourself for the beautiful, light filled human being you are.
I’ve had to sit (extremely uncomfortably) with guilt a few times over the past 12 months. I’ve had to sit with it to acknowledge it, understand it, and let it go. Something that has helped me forgive myself is looking at how I view others when they make mistakes. When someone you know has made a mistake, do you automatically think they are a horrible, bad person? Or do you see that they are hurting, that they are learning, that they are lost? Realise that this is or was you too. Give your soul a little soothing empathy.
In my opinion, genuine self-love and appreciation cannot be reached if you have these dark holes of guilt making you believe you are a bad person. Put in the time to understand any areas of yourself that need forgiveness. Do this through expression, writing, art, music, meditating, silence, crying hysterically (yes- I’ve been there)… Whatever you need to get yourself through this. Let yourself shine for the true person you really are, all of the good parts – because they are so much more than any mistakes you have made.
Detox your life
It’s crazy what we accept into our lives without even realising the damage it is doing. It’s crazy what we accept into our lives because we don’t realise our worth, and it is crazy what we accept into our lives coming from a place of fear.
- You do not need anyone or anything that makes you feel anything but loved and supported
- You are a worth a million times more than anyone or anything that makes you feel anything but loved and supported
- Whatever you are fearful of; being alone, not being accepted, not meeting expectations – none of that is as bad as allowing people and things in your life that make you feel anything but loved and supported
It may take a while, or it may even be an overnight change, but you need to go through your entire life with a fine-tooth comb, and with confidence and courage, start removing anything/anyone that creates any sort of chaos inside your mind, remove anything/anyone that makes you question your abilities or worth. Remove anything or anyone that brings you down in any way. This may be your work place, it may be your social media home page, it may be people, foods, habits, or it may even be your own self-sabotaging thoughts (stop this asap, read the next point). I understand this may not be possible in every area of your life – remove what you can and you will have a lot more energy and mental strength to overcome/work with the things you aren’t able to remove right now or even ever.
Exit the self-sabotaging thoughts and conversation
If others spoke to you the way you spoke to yourself – how would you react? Think about how much you are hurting yourself when you are telling yourself you are not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough. Imagine it is someone else telling you these things daily – that’d be pretty horrible hey?
You don’t deserve the constant bashing, even if you are expressing them through jokes. You should be your biggest cheerleader. You need to be understanding and empathetic with yourself. You need to treat yourself like the queen you are.
When you find yourself in the cycle of self-sabotaging thoughts, stop yourself. Ask yourself, would you say this to anyone else? Would you allow others to say this to you? Make sure the answer is no and replace your shitty thought with something that is positive and true. Replace ‘I am not good enough at X’ with ‘I’m totally winning in life at Y, I am so good at doing Z, I love all of XYZ about myself’ and do it every-single-time. Wake up in the morning and cheer for yourself, you did this well? Fucking celebrate it. You accomplished this? Tell yourself how proud and magnificent you are.
Give yourself the internal dialogue that you would give to a 5-year-old. Promise yourself you will be kinder, more loving and more understanding towards yourself. Promise me you will be kinder, more loving and more understanding towards yourself. I am cheering for you, it’s time for you to join me.
Fill yourself and your life with love, support and excitement
It’s crazy what love can do for you. With a little love and support, you bloom. I wrote about this in my blog on love – I am so, so lucky to have a family, friends and a partner that support and cheer for every part of me (mum, I know you’re reading, thank you). Surround yourself with people who lift you up, people that celebrate your achievements and people that celebrate what makes you unique.
I’m aware of how lucky I am, and I’m aware that not everyone has this sort of support right now. If you don’t have these people in your life right now, not only will you already be receiving it from yourself, but once you stop accepting the shit, and only accept what serves you, you will be attracting these beautiful souls that bring nothing but light and love into your world at a rapid rate.
But it’s not only people – Do things for the simple fact that they bring you joy and spark a light in your soul. Surround yourself with nature, play tennis, paint, sing, dance, read books that fill you up. Plan something a week in advance and let yourself get giddy with excitement for the next week!
Fill your life with love.
Embrace what makes you different
I spent so long fighting the fact that I am different, and a lot of the time I don’t fit in with what’s ‘normal’. I hated this, I wanted to fit in. And that caused so much pain and shame with who I am.
But fuck it. Fuck normal. I fucking love being different and I try to embrace it every chance I get. I love believing in angels, I love believing in Aliens, I love talking to the moon, I love wearing crystals and essential oils every day. I love what makes me different and I’m finally completely at peace with not fitting in. And you should be too.
It can be so heavy trying to dim the things that make you shine. Please do yourself a favour and let those parts of you shine. Let you be you, and be proud to be you. Write down every day what you love about yourself and what makes you you. Put yourself in situations that would usually make you uncomfortable, and be so you that it gives everyone else permission to be their quirky and different selves too.
Those parts of yourself that you never learned to love – It’s time to give them all the attention and love.